I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The Olympian is in my bed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
