So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
