I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
