ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
