They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
