final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
