One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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