And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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