I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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