i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
