we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
