the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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