Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
