***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
