We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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