the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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