I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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