Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
