He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
