bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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