After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
