is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
