what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
