Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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