After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
