living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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