but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
