Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize