I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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