just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
