Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
