i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
