you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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