There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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