benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
