how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
foreskin is a definite game changer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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