then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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