Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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