Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
