we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
