Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
