I'm so fucking centered right now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
