I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
