The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
