Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
