oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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