so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
