He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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