Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
