Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
