I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
