Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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