I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
