Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
