I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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