She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
