i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
