Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
