I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
