If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
