its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
