In the future we'll all be gay
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The best revenge is premature balding
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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