sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
